I owe you all an apology. I left and you all had NOBODY here on this site to tell you about what was going on in the world of Impact Wrestling, and while I was gone, A LOT happened. Eddie Edwards tried to MURDER Sami Callihan in the woods. Eddie Edwards then lost everything. His family, his wife Alisha, his friend Tommy Dreamer and his sanity. He later went on to beat Tommy Dreamer into giving Eddie his Singapore cane. LAX won the titles back under King’s leadership, and then threw him to the side when Konnan laid down an ultimatum which brought back Hernandez and Homicide under the new name of The OGz who ALSO had a certified BANGER of a street fight at Slammiversary, which LAX won but their titles were stolen by The OGz afterward.
Elsewhere, Su Yung brought us the demise of Rosemary, then she beat Allie to become the Knockouts Champion, and also brought us to the end of Madison Rayne in Impact. I wonder where Madison is nowadays? Anyhow, now Allie is in Su’s way yet again, this time as a challenger. Allie, however, is also being pursued by relative newcomer Tessa Blanchard who put her away at Slammiversary and we’ve already received word that at the next set of tapings, Allie, Tessa, and Su will all fight for the Knockouts Championship, but tonight Tessa must face the wife of Eddie Edwards, Alisha. Another new knockout in the company is Scarlett Bourdeaux who is yet to wrestle, but she does insult interviewers, and call herself a smoke show, and myself and good friend Rich Latta of this very site would have to applaud her choice of nickname.
Pentagon Junior had a blood feud with Sami Callihan that culminated at Slammiversary also, in a Mask v. Hair match, which of course Pentagon won since Pentagon still wears his mask and Sami Callihan is now bald. Matt Sydal lost his X Division Championship to Brian Cage at Slammiversary and now the universe brought him to battle with the man of cero miedo, here tonight. Austin Aries went on to win back his Impact World Championship at the beginning of June, and then put away the challenge of Moose at Slammiversary, however, tonight he must face the unhinged Eddie Edwards after not once, but twice Eddie got the better of Austin inside the Rebel Complex in Toronto. With all that said, I am glad to be back RIGHT HERE on Social Suplex. Let’s start the show!
Petey Williams & Taiji Ishimori vs The Desi Hit Squad (with Gama Singh)
Before this match started we saw LAX and The OGz battling all around the Rebel Complex to signify that tonight was going to be INSANE. One thing I must note from the entrances was Petey’s theme (aka the Canadian National Anthem) was over huge because, well they’re in Canada. I thought it was a nice touch to hear the locals singing their anthem with such enthusiasm and I hope it sticks around. Both of our babyfaces were really over here. Petey played the face in peril but eventually got the hot tag to Ishimori, and after some tenacious battling, Petey nailed the Canadian Destroyer and Ishimori hit a DDT into a Codebreaker of sorts for the pin and the win. There’s nothing to hate here, and I personally found this match to be very enjoyable. I’m very interested to see where things go for Petey and Ishimori from here.
After our first match, we see a promo from Pentagon Junior. The production on these is top notch, solid work. I really do feel like these vignettes make Pentagon feel like more of a star than he is already. Pentagon ends the promo by saying Sydal has three eyes, but he has two words: CERO. MIEDO. Not much to report here. A nice tease for one half of tonight’s double main event. After the break Alicia Atout (who is NOT a five, I don’t care what Scarlett Bourdeaux says) is interviewing Allie and Kiera Hogan. Allie promises she is going to get back on Tessa. Allie wants Su next week, and she doesn’t even care if the match is for the title and she tells Su to leave the belt at home but bring her undead ass. Kiera tells Su that her time has come, but Allie corrects Kiera and says Su’s time is UP. This was one of Allie’s better promos and all of what she said felt natural.
We see a hype package for tonight’s world title match, and I urge all of you to seek out these videos, they are well done. We then go back to Alicia Atout interviewing Impact World Champion Austin Aries, who says he’s not facing a top-tier athlete, he’s stepping in the ring with an unhinged Eddie Edwards which has him worried… a little. He adds that no matter how dangerous the match may be, Austin guarantees he will come out on top. After a break, we come back and Grado is complaining to Katarina and Joe Hendry about his loss to Eli Drake last week. Katarina puts over Joe beating Eli Drake before and she says he will do it again. Katarina, by the way, is the girlfriend of Grado but she seems very close to “The Prestigious One” Joe Hendry. Everyone except Grado can see exactly where all this is headed, and I must say as a plus sized gentleman myself, I feel terrible for Grado and I’m ready to call Joe Hendry very mean names when the time comes.
Tessa Blanchard vs Alisha Edwards
Up next we have our second match of the evening, which is knockouts action. Alisha spent most of the match on the defensive, but she did mount a comeback late in the contest. This match also got better as it went on. I must say however that Alisha looked completely outmatched here, and as Rich Latta stated, she looked like a middle schooler facing a grown woman in Tessa Blanchard. Alisha nailed a big DDT toward the end but was late to the cover and Tessa kicked out. The finish came when Tessa nailed a reverse slingshot suplex, as Cocaine Callis called it, and then her Hammerlock DDT. After her victory, Tessa took a microphone like she ran the club and stated that there is NO WAY Allie gets a title shot and she gets left in the cold. Tessa called her shot and I seem to think that will pay off for her.
It felt like forever but Scarlett Bourdeaux took up a big block of time here and I’m not sure if I’m a fan of it. Personally, I hated the “Bobo” segment last week but when he showed up this week as background fodder I couldn’t help but laugh. After another break, we get an interview from Matt Sydal, where he thanked the WRESTLING GODS (no JBL) for his match with Pentagon Junior. As cheesy as the third eye material is on paper, Sydal seems to buy in and make it work which is appreciated. After our GWN Rewind (Chris Sabin winning the 2006 Super X Cup and then being assaulted by Kevin Nash, which I happened to see when it first aired over twelve years ago.) we go back to KM & Fallah Bahh arguing, sort of. I love the comedy of this duo, man. The arguing of the tag team is interrupted by a passerby known as “The Smokeshow” Scarlett Bourdeaux who simply says “Hi boys.” KM and Fallah both agree that the only appropriate response is “Bahh.” After a commercial two bodiless voices, one of which is clearly Scott D’Amore are complaining about someone abusing the open door policy… but Scarlett shows up and says she needs protection. The two powers that be suggest she gets her own show, which Scarlett calls “The Smoke Show.”
Matt Sydal vs Pentagon Jr.
This match was every bit of crazy that I expected. Quite frankly, if you only seek out one segment from Impact this week, this match should be it. Matt Sydal worked over the legs of Pentagon and nearly had the luchador beat, Sydal also nearly landed a Shooting Star Press, but Pentagon countered with the knees, persevered and overcame Sydal with a Package Piledriver for the pin and the win. After the match, while Pentagon was celebrating his win, we are shown a video of oVe in their clubhouse. Sami Callihan complained about all the losing they were doing and demanded that one of the Crist brothers would shave their heads. Neither Jake nor Dave wanted to, and after a ten count Jake volunteers to get his head shaved, but Sami changes his mind and makes Dave get his head shaved, which Dave agrees to reluctantly. Jake shaves Dave’s head and Sami says they look more like a family every day. This was a hell of a lot cheesier than I hoped it would be.
After a commercial we are treated to a promo battle between Konnan, representing LAX, and King, representing The OGz. Konnan drops his “serious like a late period” line which still pops me to this day. Konnan says one way or another they will get their belts back, which brings out The OGz… who are on the balcony level of the Rebel Complex. Konnan calls King the walking, talking, glory hole which prompts a GLORY-HOLE chant from the Impact faithful. Steel Panther would be proud. King calls Konnan a liar and says LAX won a battle, not a war. King says LAX was crying, and The OGz crucified them. Konnan says something very crass which I couldn’t understand because it was censored. King tells Konnan to stop being scared and says to BRING THE WAR TO THE STREETS. Holy hell, the heat in this feud is next level. Konnan ends the promo by saying you can stop a revolutionary but you CANNOT stop a revolution. This was moving stuff, and this feud is indicative of why people are LOVING the program lately. The heat here is real. After the segment they even cut to commentary to preview next week, all the while an IMPACT WRESTLING chant was going on in the Rebel Complex. Before a commercial we see Eddie Edwards getting ready for his match with his Singapore Cane in hand. Eddie says it’s time to play.
Before our main event of the evening, here is what is advertised for next weeks show! Johnny Impact versus Jimmy Jacobs. Joe Hendry versus Eli Drake. Allie versus Su Yung, which won’t be for the title, and we’ve got the debut of The Smoke Show with Scarlett Bourdeaux. Last but not least we have Sami Callihan versus Fenix!
Eddie Edwards vs Austin Aries for the Impact World Championship
This match started off very interesting. Eddie Edwards spent the first portion establishing that he had the psychological advantage. Eddie ran Aries out of the ring and tried to lure Eddie back in with a handshake. Apparently, during the final break, absolutely NOTHING happened because Eddie was busy trying to get his handshake from A Double because Eddie is nothing if not a sportsman. Eddie eventually put the quest for the mighty handshake on pause and took the fight to Aries on the outside. Eddie eventually got his handshake from the world champion, albeit forcefully while the champion was subdued. At one point chops were being thrown in the corner outside by the barricade and Eddie was throwing chops like thunder.
Aries got the power back after a suicide dive to the outside. Aries spent most of his offensive time working on the upper body of his opponent. Eddie was taking chops to the exposed chest and knew he was being used but as it turns out, that’s okay because he LIKES the abuse! Eddie laughed at a chop and asked for one more. Aries then chose to lead with a chop but close with an eye poke. Eddie then countered an attempted discus forearm into a blue thunder bomb, which Eddie has not done since he was nearly blinded back in March. Later in the contest, Eddie got a near fall on a Tiger Driver, which I bought hook, line, and sinker. We entered the third act of our title match when Eddie escaped the Last Chancery by BITING THE FINGER of Austin Aries. Aries then went outside to grab the belt but was convinced not to use it by the official.
After Austin gave up the belt to the official he attempted to kick Eddie below the belt, but Eddie countered with his own groin kick and went into an inside cradle but it was only good for two! Austin would later have Eddie prone on his shoulders and would spin Eddie around, but right into the head of the official! I smell fuckery! Austin then grabs the belt again, but Eddie ducks a belt shot and nails the same DDT his wife did earlier in the program but there’s no referee to count the fall! Eddie gets up frustrated and grabs his cane and hits the referee in frustration. Eddie goes to hit Aries, but Aries finally lands a groin kick, goes for the brainbuster, but Eddie counters and grabs his kendo stick and nails Austin! Eddie tells Aries to say “NIGHT! NIGHT!” as Eddie is choking Aries in the corner with his cane/stick, however, the plan doesn’t come to fruition because KILLER KROSS interjects himself into the match. All the while, our official is STILL down on the mat. Killer Kross strong arms Eddie from the corner and nails a Doomsday Saito Suplex on Eddie and wakes up the referee. Austin Aries grabs Eddie and nails a brainbuster for the pin and the damn title retention. After the match, Killer Kross puts his calling card, a black X crosshair on Eddie’s chest. Aries celebrates with Killer Kross standing behind him.
Before we end this column, I’d like to say I knew this day would come. I saw Killer Kross wrestle in a casino in front of fifty people three years ago and knew he would become a mainstream wrestler. He’s been in the company for a month, he is still undefeated in the company and now he is seemingly the muscle for the Impact World Champion. Where does this leave Eddie? Is a feud with Killer Kross imminent? What’s next for our world champion? I suppose we’ll find out in the near future, on a Thursday night at 8 PM Eastern on Pop TV.
Thank you for reading this column, subscribe to the website to read more like it! Subscribe to Social Suplex Podcast Network wherever you download your podcasts. You can follow me on Twitter @SclSplx_CalB and follow the site as well @SocialSuplex. God bless, and have a great day!